Everywhere at the end of time: Listen to the decay of the human mind
In 2016, an electronic musician with the stage name The Caretaker began releasing a project called Everywhere at the End of Time in installments, each meant to represent a different stage of dementia. The project finished in 2019, after which The Caretaker retired from making music (at least under his stage name).
Everywhere at the End of Time is an incredibly haunting musical series, and it’s become a trend to listen to it completely through. Some say that its anxiety inducing, warning the faint of heart not to listen to it because of how disturbing it actually is. Others describe it rather unusually; a YouTube listener called it “distorted nightmare fuel” and another commented that it was something they “never want to experience again,”
The Caretaker described this project as “a series exploring dementia, its advancement and its totality,” Caretakers of those with dementia have said that it represents the disease extremely accurately, but its hard to know. All I can say is that it is absolutely terrifying. In this article, I’m going to go through each stage and try to describe it as well as I can.
Stage 1
The entire series is based on ballroom songs from the 1920s. The Caretaker deconstructs the music in the same way he thinks memories get distorted through each stage of dementia.
Stage 1 is bouncy and nostalgic. It’s generally pretty jazzy and sounds like something I would listen to on a daily basis. It’s probably the shortest section for a reason; it shows us the blissful time before the decline where we’re happy and making memories. It reminds me of an old couple dancing, bright and familiar, but it gives me this sense of dread, knowing that it won’t be like this for long.
We don’t have many days:
This song is also generally pleasant, with distinct piano notes and a small vinyl crackle accompanying the whole section.
Stage 2
Stage 2 was almost identical, but more unsettling and sad. You can tell that there’s something worse to come but there’s no way that you could piece together the events of what was about to take place, you could just expect the worst. Either that or the character didn’t realize what was going on, they were just trying to live life as normal and completely oblivious. things are getting a little more eerie and lonely. it no longer feels like dancing, it feels lonesome. it feels like taking photos down from the walls. starting of the second song in stage 2 unnerves me so badly. Then, the slight issues with the second stage, really feel mild but still comprehensible. Some minor distortion here and there, a wrap around now and then. Obviously an issue, but still there.
A losing battle is raging:
The stage immediately starts off in a sense of uneasiness. The song seems to have 3 layers to it- an empty reverb, a strange sound that sounds like a train, and the song itself. Despite said uneasiness, it still feels relatively pleasant. At the end, the song fades out like a bit of the memory is lost.
Surrendering to despair:
The song starts off with an overall sad tone, fitting the title. The motif seems similar to the first song in the stage, interestingly. This may symbolize the increasing repetitiveness of the memories. With that said; the song somehow seems to be even darker than before.
I still feel as though I am me:
The title seems to imply that the person still has a decently strong sense of self, something that will not last very long with dementia in place. It is also somewhat faded and empty. Towards the second half, there seems to be a part with pleasant tones, contrasting quite a bit with the rest of the song.
The way ahead feels lonely:
The song fits the title really well, as the song feels rather sad and lonely. It is a lot more quiet than usual, too, and the instruments are tougher to recognize. The song begins to feel more distorted as you go through it.
Stage 3
Stage 3 by far has to be the most upsetting; it’s the thin tight rope that bridges between mumbled up memories and forgetting yourself. It’s where denial happens; not sad, but hazy and lonely. Repeating melodies that were used in stage 1, in addition to muffled white noise and jittering tones in the background, creates the illusion of memories blending in together and not being able to tell reality from my dreams. The synth-like drones and how they begin to overtake the classical jazz are a musical representation of the confusion that overpowers memories.
Back there Benjamin:
Immediately starts off with a sense of worry, distorted and almost like a band that isn’t in sync. The song itself is even harder to distinguish than the previous songs. At the end, it abruptly cuts to the next song with no warning; this is a pretty common theme throughout this stage.
Aching cavern without lucidity:
The whole song seems to be just nothing but a strange noise accompanied with a repetitive tune, which just makes it even more disturbing. The song is pretty short. It’s nothing but dark droning, like a cavern ambient. As such, the title fits pretty well. It seems to symbolize a moment of emptiness, where the person just can’t seem to hold on to anything.
An empty bliss beyond this World:
A massive contrast to the rest of the stage, it sounds beautiful and pleasant. It doesn’t even seem to be very faded out, either. This seems to be one of the moments of clarity within the minor confusions of moderate dementia.
Stage 4
Stage 4 reminded me of jumbled up memories that don’t make sense mixed in with misunderstanding and confusion, trying to recall and hold onto any little piece that this character had left. Towards the end of these stages you could almost hear the characters’ loss of hope, they just accepted what is coming as there isn’t much else to do. I recognize multiple sounds from previous songs long ago that were audible. However, the music begins to fall apart in this album. Generally there’s an overarching glitchiness and fuzz; reality will come back for a few seconds here and there, but it glitches back out into a jumble of broken, out of tune or otherwise maimed instruments.
Stage 4 Post Awareness Confusions (2):
As you may notice from the title, the song titles are starting to repeat. This “song” starts off as what seems to be the previous songs, horribly jumbled up like an abomination of a song. Eventually it starts to fade out to droning. At one point in this part, it just cuts to pure silence for a few seconds. After a bit, it returns to the jumbled up mess again, until shortly after it abruptly cuts to an extremely ominous foghorn-sounding noise, with more droning sounds. Near the end, the jumbled up mess of a song returns yet again.
Stage 5
This stage is characterized by more distorted images and samples being thrown left and right, getting sketched, skewed, reversed. In the last stage, you could identify a few of your recurring memories; here, you forget names, you forget people, you forget faces, you forget languages, places and sounds. While at least you were capable of conversation in the earlier stages, now you are reduced to incoherent ramblings and repeating phrases, like a broken record player. The only theme in this stage is complete decay; at this point, all you can hear is heavily distorted, heavily mangled motifs of your life rattling around in your skull.
Stage 5 Advanced plaque entanglements (1):
This song immediately starts off with a jarring contrast to the last part of stage 4. The first half is a chaotic jumbled mess that is really hard to listen to. It then suddenly cuts to a brief moment of clarity, you can hear a vague clear song, albeit with heavy crackling, but not too long after it falls back into the abyss of the mind as it returns to the previously mentioned chaos.
Stage 5 Sudden time regression into isolation –
This song seems like a record that is is constantly trying to start, but suddenly cuts off before succeeding. Overall, it seems to be the calmest yet most deteriorated part as it edges closer to the final stage of the album. Previously, there were jumbled up cuts of previous songs, but it’s now a lot more subtle. The rest of the song is nothing but ambient droning, setting the mood for the final stage of dementia, where only microscopic specks of a few memories remain.
Stage 6
Finally, in Stage 6, we were nearing the end of the line; you could see it, almost as if you were being laid into the grave yourself. You’re blank, alone, and a vessel, a shell of who you once were. You’ve forgotten what life before dementia was like, and you’ve forgotten you even have dementia. You can’t want or miss something you don’t know existed. This section is simply acceptance; you can’t feel despair or pain because you don’t know any better. There are more hums of memories long erased, transforming from the warm music to harsh, cold tones.
Place in the World fades away:
There is no better way to describe this song than imagining a person is awaiting death. There is indeed no more hope now. The person can’t do anything anymore. At this point, they are likely bedridden, gazing off into space without a soul, as their soul has been ripped straight away from them. Around halfway through, the ambient droning starts to pick up consistently. But then there is a cut, where the ambient droning suddenly cuts out, there seems to be a few strange noises that sound like a machine. Shortly after, the most powerful part of the entire album begins. A tune begins, their final moment of clarity, where they awaken from the haze. Unfortunately, it does not last forever. The song is strangely clear, despite the soft vinyl crackle and moderate distortion. It’s strange, as for hours the listener has not heard a song this clear. This moment of clarity lasts for about 4 minutes, the longest moment of clarity in the post awareness stages. Eventually, though, the song slowly fades out as it ends. After it goes away, there is nothing left within the person. Not even ambient droning. And then finally, release.
Conclusion
I don’t have much experience with dementia but this project truly opened my eyes; I now have a deeper sorrow for those who go through or are forced to witness someone go through such an illness. I have always known that my memories are the most important part of me. Imagining my emotions, interests, personality, and soul simply disappearing is terrifying. Dementia seems like one of the scariest things a human being can experience.